Hell Hath No Fury

Conatains the antics of a bitchy woman with an attitude problem so if you can't handle swearing,sex,violence and other extremities please don't come to this site.

Tuesday, December 6

Christmas or Not?

Do you know how money can seem to go so fast? Well, let's just say that earning £100 a week and having to live off it and buy presents this bitch is learning that it doesn't stretch very far.

Keep in mind that I smoke 20 a day or more if I drink any alcafrol, then I have to pay for my booze and and then I have to buy cards, presents for everyone I know?!!? It's just not possible. That's why I dislike Christmas because I never have enough money to enjoy it comfortably.

I know I have more than some starving countries and I'm lucky I don't have to live in a shanti but having the money to afford the presents to spoil my family and friends....that would be great. Fan-fucking-tastic actually.

Well, I can get over it when I get pissed over christmas with the little money I will have left. How does society sleep at night? Knowing none of it inhabitants are happy and paid well-enough?? That's what I will be thinking while I drink myself to sleep over Xmas.

Merry Christmas eveyone and Happy Fucking New Year!!! XxX

Sunday, November 13

Can You Understand Me?

Okay so the title is a little baffelled (or confused for those who do not live in Swinton, Salford) but I have just cause to be. My job is okay-ish my friends are sort-of-okay-ish and my bf isn't doing anything to upset me. My parents are lovely when they see me and my brothers and their lives are fulfilling them nicely so life is good....maybe, a little too good.

I'm waiting for that moment when it all falls apart. Anita Blake says it best in one of her novels and I quote, "The look you have when you finally realise the monster under your bed is real and it's screwing mommy." I feel like that, like I'm waiting for that moment to realise that all the happiness I've had for a few months has all been an elaborate lie and I have to pay the price for the peace and quiet I've had.

I'm still waiting though, I HATE waiting for anything.

The only problems I have at the minute are little gropy moany problems about general life, the kind people have when really there is nothing wrong and they should be thankful for what they have. Unfortunately for my bf and the rest of the people that know me I'm one of those people who when bored knit pick at things in their life until it becomes a proper problem.

One of these problems is one of my ex's is now married and his most-probable luscious bride is pregnant with their baby. Everything he ever wanted all in two years and me stuck waiting for another five.
Okay so in the end it was me who finished us, me who couldn't take it anymore, me who wanted to get back at him somehow for what he'd done and not be a grown woman for a change. ::sigh::
Don't get me wrong I am perfectly happy with David, he satisfy's and understands me in a way Chris never did but in another way it hurts because in my head before me and Chris split up the first time (yes, we were one of "those" couples. the ones you avoid because they either can't get enough of each other or can't stand each other) I was one he was marrying, I was the one with the pregnant belly and three to four children. I wanted it all or should I say being with him made me want it all but now...I can't have it at all.
It's taken me a long time to grieve for that loss, a long time. There was so much pressure so much went wrong that I knew one more mess and he'd leave me for good. I knew but I still did it. Should I tell you? Should I tell the entire blogger's community how stupid, selfish and crazy I was?
There was this guy in Bolton who said he wanted to video me and my friend's feet in stilletto heels on this guys back. Digging in our heels, only showing our feet, telling the man underneath us what a bad boy he was only for £10 an hour...
...I KNOW it was ubelievably stupid, even then I remember thinking that Erica daring me was not fair, not in the state I was in. I wasn't drunk or high or anything daft like that. I'd just found out that this Chris had cheated on me with one of my friend's called Nicola two days before. I was angry, upset and hurt with no way to get back at them both. I'd felt like I'd let both of them get away with it. I'd forgiven him so I had to forgive her, it was only fair.
I agreed to do it as long as Erica came with me and we were never seperated, with credit on our phones and public near by. It was done in a cinema with other people watching a movie. It all seemed very illegal when we got there, I was having a bad feeling but Erica seemed high spirited so I let her do most of the talking so it was okay.
Later on when I told her I could see in the dark and it was the same man who had brought us here, the same old pervert who had offered us the money Erica's mood quickly shifted from confident dominatrix to panic stricken child.
I was left to make decisions, decisions that would help us in the end if we could bare up under the pressure of knowing he was a perv and hiding it until we could get him to drive us back to the main part of Bolton. Thank God, that Chris (the bf who cheated on me the) had a passion for watching films at cinemas, I knew this cinema because we had been to the UCGI before to watch The Matrix 2 & 3 and X-Men 2. I knew where the toilets where and where all the staff would be encase we got in trouble but I was scared.
I'd have been a total idiot if I hadn't been even slightly scared but Erica was panicking to the point where she would blow our cover if she didn't have some sort of confidence from me. I had to hold all that fear back for her or we would end up trying to pay for a taxi from there to Bolton with what little money we had and no money to show for what we would of been through at least my way we got paid, a lift back to town and no marks to show for it. So we bared up all the way through, two hours and fifteen mintes exactly.
I can still remember the way Erica was shaking in the toilets at the cinema when we legged it out of there before the lights came on. She kept saying she couldn't carry on, that she couldn't keep up this stupid sherade any longer and I kept telling her there was no other choice, that I didn't sit through two hours and fifteen minutes of my feet being filmed by a pervert to give up now.
The crazy thing is, I think he knew we knew about him. I mean, it had to be obvious when he come out of the cinema doors opposite the ladies that we also walked out of to see him rolling his top back down.
I pissed myself laughing, by this point I was close to being hysterical, laughing is preferable to crying but he could of been more tactful. He said he was looking for us, that he had to go and pay the dude that we had just been digging our heels in but as he walked away there was rumples in his jumper all the way up to his neck. It had been shoved up for when he lay down on the floor. I just burst out into more laughter while Erica was close to tears. Hysteria effects lots of people in a lot of different ways I suppose.
Eentually he come back and drove me and Erica back to the main part of Bolton. He gave us £25 each and told us he'd call again and the only bad thing about it was that the moment we got back around the corner out of sight, I nearly collapsed with the tears that suddenly escaped me. Erica had to hold me up as I just burt into tears for a few minutes.
It was such a terrifying experience but Erica had had the sense to tell her bf where she was really going, I hadn't. I'd told mine that Erica and me had had a job interview at Ann Summers in Bolton the next day. It was stupid really. If anything had gone wrong and Erica had gone missing too no one but her bf would have known I was gone as well.

So while she was crying on the phone down to her bf and recieving everything a bf gives when his gf has been through a bad time I had to deal with it on my own. No bf to comfort me, nope Cheryl practically looks after herself.
Eventually at six o'clock that night I gave in and phoned bf and told him what was wrong with me and what had happened I didn't get no more than the first three sentences in before the shocked silence hit me. He didn't say anything at first just floundered down the phone, then told me he didn't kow what he should say to me, I'd lied to him and endangered not only myself but Erica while I was at it.
I felt myself go cold when he said that, I knew what was coming and I knew that I hadn't survived that ordeal just to put up with him calling me immature for doing it in the first place. I said goobye and put the phone down.
Five minutes later I recieved a txt message saying the most hurtful thing he could have said to me right then, "How can u expect me to go out with someone who acts like my six year old daughter?" I have no excuses, no regrets and no apology big enough for what I said back to him in such an emotional state right then. Something like, "Why do you fuck your own daughter too?"
It was nasty, it was hurtful but saying that about anyone's daughter is in no way acceptable. I am sorry but when I speak, my thoughts don't process before I open my mouth but I have no regrets about saying it. I mean, what else do you say to what he sent me when you've been an emotional roller coaster for the past six hours all due to the fact that you were upset and angry at him in the first place?!? I just don't know and I still don't know but it probably wasn't that when at the time I really loved him.

::sigh:: I did love him before it all went sour. We had some amazing days out, his daughter was always amazingly intelligent for her age and decidedly girly with all her pink but I enjoyed it while it lasted.
It's over, it's been over now for exactly 26 and a half months. There was a few sex sessions after that but that was all it was, sex. We always did have amazingly great sex, primitive, instinctive domination sex but fan-fucking-tastic sex even if I always said it was little rough at the time. LOL

I know I've whittled on with my little self for far too long now but I just want to add one more thing just encase Chris ever does find this and read this.

I hope you are happy, no matter who with or where as long as you are happy it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Marriage life will suit you I knew it would and I hope I can meet the brave lady some day. I never hated you, I loved you more than I could understand and I am gutted but happy that it never worked out between us but maybe it was for the best. Follow your dreams and don't be a stranger. I may not love you anymore but we can always be friends and that's much more important.

Now that I've finished being a sappy cow and demeaning myself and my integrity by having to share this stupid little story with you all just to upload on the whole ex-thing I am going to go to sleep with David my very much loved-up sexy bf that I have now. The one who I am in sync with and hope to marry and can see me having little David's with but if he knew he would have a coronary.
Unlike Chris my bf doesn't want to get married, EVER. He has told me many times and in many forms but I love the man and can't seem to get the idea out of my head. I just want it to be sooner or at least get me engaged properly so that I can wait another five years with a proper ring on my finger. LOL

Good night darlings! Be back here again soon! X (Buenos Dias! Good Morning even!)

Friday, September 2

My New Plan About Life

Okay so its not the greatest thing you're ever going to hear but its good enough for me and as a very hard person to please I think this is the best take on life as we know it:

Take life as we know it, take every person you know and all of your job worries and roll them into a ball and throw them away. Now what do you have left? You, that's what. It's you that life effects, you that has to live with it and every decision that is made about it. So in the end all you have to blame for everything effecting you and the path that you're on today is yourself. Life as you know it is you and it is made by you so if you need something you manouver yourself to get it, if want to improve yourself you go out there and make damn sure you do it and fuck everyone else. They are not you, they are not feeling what you are feeling and they are definately not living their life the same way as you. You are unique, not part of a bunch of sheep and you should never be ashamed of that.
::End of ranting::

Now if only I could remember all that so I could say it to my mate Big Linz and solve her relationship problems life would be great but she won't believe me.
She thinks that not getting the man she wants just because her friend sort of fancies him means that she has to live with the feelings that she feels for this stupid guy. I don't think she has to. I think that if her mate hasn't got the balls to have properly gone out with him already instead of just sleeping with him(minus the actual sleep of course) that Big Linz should take the chance and ask him out. The worse thing he could do is say no but at least we'd all be able to get on with our lives and she would finally have an answer.

The worst outcome is that her friend we'll call "L" has a thing for trying to chat up guys that big linz fancies, being much more persuaded by "L"'s ever growing chatter then Linz's awkward banter.
It's a shame because underneath it all "L" is sooooo insecure that caring about another person is beyond her anyway, she's not inconsiderate just too vein to begin a proper give-and-take relationship.
Where as Big Linz is so warm hearted and friendly to everyone that a very long relationship, come engagement then finally a long way down the line marriage and kids would really suit her. She really is brilliant and just because her mouth can run away with her when she is drunk that she says a few hurtful truths does not mean that she is bad person but try telling her that!

All in all Big Linz is impossible to try and tell anything to, she does listen to you it's just that once she has her mindmade up it is made up for life and no amount of talking will change what she thinks about herself. Being called "fat" all her life can't be helping her self esteem either but if I was a bloke I'd want to date her. She is that great. Like any girl all she wants is to be loved and to give her love to the right man who is willing to give her a little commitment or all of his commitment. Its a shame that the last thing lads want to hear in this day and age is the word "commitment".

Anyway, here is some good news! I am on my holidays to Tunisia in precisely 9 Days with barely any spending money and my adorable bf David who paid for the holiday in the first place. I need a plan and fast. I need a plan to get more money for spends so I'm cleaning The Bull and being paid for it while it is under refurbishment. But I only get a weeks wages and I need clothes that are all summery and light, my wardrobe is black with hints of red and purple so I need some newer clothes.

Well I am off to earn my holiday pay even as we speak so until the next time I will see ya later darlings! MWAH! X X X X

Sunday, July 10

The Truth Straight Out Of The Bitches Mouth

Okay so....London. Scary event that everyone has commented on or talked about or even watched or read on the news since the spectacular yet horrific bomb explosions.

I could talk about my views but I won't, I don't live in London and I've never even visited London so anything I comment about will be second hand infoormation.

I don't want to call the terroists filthy two-faced pieces of scum (even though they are) because everyone else has already said the same thing.

I don't want to say how tragic it is and how I send my condolences out to everyone who lost a person significant to their lives(even though you all deserve it) because even if you had all the condolences in the world it won't ease the pain.

But (and this is a big BUT) I am willing to comment that even though these bombs have been exploding, popping up in Piccadilly, Birmingham and so on. How do you handle the situation if you were in Blairs shoes? I mean, its our taxes that paying for these buggers while they live here on the dole and so on while they fucking construct these bombs. Its our country that allowed them the freedom and access to the materials in the first place AND it's our country they are deciding to destroy with all the knowledge we allow them to have access to. How good are we? As an MP what would you do?

I haven't a fucking clue on this one. I mean how do you find a terroist in a situation like this? More importantly though is, when you find them how do you make sure the rest of Britain doesn't get to them first? (I'd pay to watch that.)

Well, enough. No more talking about London, bombs and Islamic religion. Its time to change the topic for a while. I don't mean to offend anyone, I just want to try and forget the politics and death for a while.

I've been working behind the bar all night so I'm knackered, maybe I'll take up a new topic tomorrow and in the meanwhile hope the best for London. X